Who am I – Why am I here – What is wrong with the world – How can what is wrong, be made right?
Warning: Some images are very graphic.
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Sola Dei Gloria 
That was quite good. It depressed me a great deal, however.
I am one of those people who are lifeless and empty. I feel empty the vast majority of the time. My sadness is almost constant; my happiness occurs only seldomly. I have great hope at times, but my hope is easily crushed. I do not know “who I am” or “why I am here”. I often wonder if I have a purpose, and the evidence I see in the world tells me that I do not.
It goes beyond, however, the arguments of evolution and such. Indeed, I have studied it a great deal and I am a creationist. However, what breaks me at times is the realization of how horrible the world really is. How the most Holy people in the world… are often times even more deluded than I am. How I have loved and asked for love, and the most Holy of people have condemned and abandoned me. How the Bum wanders the street, and I realize that there was no reason why that Bum was born or winded up on the street. He has no purpose… And if he has no purpose, why should I?
I understand the world very well. I understand my own depravity, and I understand the depravity of others. I have heard the lies men tell and have seen their evil acts. I understand why they do as they do as I understand why I do what I do. There is no mystery to me among the evil things in the world. I know it all, have seen it all, and have done a great portion of it all. My greatest loves are worthless and empty. My great dreams go nowhere and collapse. I live in a fantasy as the world passes me by. What hope do I have? Can I accomplish what I dream of? Can I truly have a purpose that is not so small and mediocre? Or… am I deluded in even trying?
When I cry out, is there a God truly listening? Is there a God who truly answers prayers? Or are all things random and pointless? Am I so absolutely alone?
I have heard every answer and have attempted every remedy. I cannot hear or know God. I cannot touch his side or the marks on his hands. I cannot believe in that which I have never seen. Though I know the secret to happiness is merely to be at peace, to accept, to have faith, to be a blessed one who believes though he has not seen. yet I am unable to actually practice this. I cannot have faith. There is something gnawing on my soul and I cannot rest.
I want to be as other Christians are. But those Christians are usually deceived. I either have a choice to be miserable or to be deceived. I’d rather know the truth, whatever horrible thing it may be. But if God is truth, then he is the only truth that matters. I am lost and totally alone.
You are in a perfect place to hear God. Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God. Get yourself a Bible in a translation that “speaks” to you. I would recommend the New Living Translation based on the tone of your post. I believe the Holy Spirit will lead you into all Truth…and you will know the Truth and the Truth will set you free. Jesus said “I Am the Way, the Truth, and the Life…no man comes to the Father but by Me.” Truth is a Person…and He is found in the Person of Jesus Christ. Be blessed and know that you are not alone. Faith is the most precious of all gifts. It is all in His mercy that one comes to faith. Turn to the Lord and keep asking that He reveal Himself to you.
Cthulhu,
I was going to thank pj for posting this video – it’s from my favorite preacher and one of the men I am blessed by God to call elder in my church. But your response calls for more – it’s contradictory and confused and confusing.
If God has chosen you, you will be redeemed. If you are desperate in your sin, cry out to Him for mercy. There is no secret to happiness – that’s the lie of the culture. There is truth that saints of the living God have contentment and peace in all circumstances because we have been purchased and placed in Christ for eternity.
You cannot manufacture faith. You cannot pursue the result you want – what you perceive in others – and expect it. You must pursue Christ, in humility and honesty – asking for the faith to believe and trusting Him to give it to you.
Nothing is random or pointless. Your post inclines me to think you have not read much of the Bible – for it testifies of God’s sovereignty and involvement in His creation throughout.
That you have no rest is a good sign. It may be the Holy Spirit calling you to faith in Christ. Do not harden you heart, but continue to cry out to God for faith and salvation, trusting in nothing but the completed work and continued rule of Christ as the Lamb of God and the King of kings.
I would put over the “purpose” of God which seems to be lacking hereon with the comments.
First, what is Luke revealing when we read these Words sandwiched between Jesus’ own Words?:
Luk 7:29 (When all the people heard this, and the tax collectors too, they declared God just, having been baptized with the baptism of John,
Luk 7:30 but the Pharisees and the lawyers rejected the purpose of God for themselves, not having been baptized by him.)
The Pharisees and the lawyers “rejected” the purpose of God for “themselves”.
All I read above was about “I” “I” “I”!
“I” ask you, what about “God” and His “revealed” purpose?
The Apostle Paul, who was contemporary with Luke, wrote to the Ephesian Church these things. Note the phrase “eternal” purpose in them:::>
Eph 3:8 To me, though I am the very least of all the saints, this grace was given, to preach to the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ,
Eph 3:9 and to bring to light for everyone what is the plan of the mystery hidden for ages in God who created all things,
Eph 3:10 so that through the church the manifold wisdom of God might now be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly places.
Eph 3:11 This was according to the eternal purpose that he has realized in Christ Jesus our Lord,
Eph 3:12 in whom we have boldness and access with confidence through our faith in him.
Eph 3:13 So I ask you not to lose heart over what I am suffering for you, which is your glory.
Notice that in verse 13, this Apostle sums up suffering as suffering for someone other than their “own” glory?
When we get our eyes off ourselves and on Our Creator and open up to His Wisdom, Knowledge and Understanding, we are not, by so doing, guaranteed we will live in this world without sufferings.
On the other hand, the Scriptures teach us this:
Pro 3:1 My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments,
Pro 3:2 for length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you.
Now, keep in mind those words from Proverbs were written by the son of the author of these Words of Psalms:::>
Psa 34:11 Come, O children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD.
Psa 34:12 What man is there who desires life and loves many days, that he may see good?
Psa 34:13 Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit.
Psa 34:14 Turn away from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.
Psa 34:15 The eyes of the LORD are toward the righteous and his ears toward their cry.
Psa 34:16 The face of the LORD is against those who do evil, to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
Psa 34:17 When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears and delivers them out of all their troubles.
Psa 34:18 The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.
Psa 34:19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the LORD delivers him out of them all.
The purpose here for Biblical citation is simple. I would rely upon the power and work of the Holy Spirit Who authors and saw over the writing of all Scripture. He it is Who is present here now with you dear reader.
I would leave off one last citation from the Apostle Paul and ask you to receive the “power” of the Spirit of Grace in these Words to bring you into the comfort of the Lord, Who bought you with a price, His very own Blood, split for your washing and regeneration to establish you in the Truth all True Believers are called to stand in under all circumstances, even the most uncomfortable circumstances, which clearly have some in distress.
Here’s why there is distress. And within these Words of Paul is the answer and water necessary to wash away all distresses:::>
Act 26:13 At midday, O king, I saw on the way a light from heaven, brighter than the sun, that shone around me and those who journeyed with me.
Act 26:14 And when we had all fallen to the ground, I heard a voice saying to me in the Hebrew language, ‘Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me? It is hard for you to kick against the goads.’
Act 26:15 And I said, ‘Who are you, Lord?’ And the Lord said, ‘I am Jesus whom you are persecuting.
Act 26:16 But rise and stand upon your feet, for I have appeared to you for this purpose, to appoint you as a servant and witness to the things in which you have seen me and to those in which I will appear to you,
Act 26:17 delivering you from your people and from the Gentiles–to whom I am sending you
Act 26:18 to open their eyes, so that they may turn from darkness to light and from the power of Satan to God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in me.’
Act 26:19 “Therefore, O King Agrippa, I was not disobedient to the heavenly vision,
By the way, “Cthulhu”, you sound like a “normal” Christian Who God has brought to your utter end.
Don’t these Words cut your heart, too? Several Theologians have commentary that goes something like this about the following verses. That is, after reading these Words of Paul, they have commented that when a True Believer comes to this realization of their own social order, they have been brought to their own Gracious End so that God can begin His Gracious Work within you. Consider that these Words reflect a “normal” Christian existence in this life before passing to your Eternal Abode in Heaven or Paradise:::>
Rom 7:14 For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold under sin.
Rom 7:15 For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.
Rom 7:16 Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good.
Rom 7:17 So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.
Rom 7:18 For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.
Rom 7:19 For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.
Rom 7:20 Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.
Rom 7:21 So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand.
Rom 7:22 For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being,
Rom 7:23 but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members.
Rom 7:24 Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?
Rom 7:25 Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.
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